There are many days when the good folks of Unplugged Musings like to take a step back from our tireless efforts to maintain Umphrey’s news, and provide entertainment. More often than not, this comes at the expense of other obligations (see: jobs).
So, in my efforts to kill time today, I stumbled upon a lovely article on Cracked entitled ’5 Famous People Who Secretly Had Awesome Second Careers.’ (Click) It covered, in length, the other routes that many modern/historical figures of importance nearly pursued had they not stayed on their path to “stardom.” (I put stardom in quotes since they talked about Fidel Castro’s potential baseball career, and Tony Blair’s music career….. oh, and SPOILER ALERT)
One person worth noting, at number three on the list, is Jimmy Stewart. Although when I’m wearing a monocle, I prefer to call him James. For anyone who was to lazy to click the link that says, “Click,” you would find out something rather interesting about our beloved, hand signal based jamming namesake. If you are not prepared for the bombshell, kindly get into a rustic refrigerator (I fucking hate Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull), and prepare to have your mind blown.
Kindly prepare for your No-Fucking-Way moment.
Thanks to Cracked (Wikipedia touches on it, but it has a white background and not enough pictures), we’ve been granted a what-if…. Before actually going into acting, Jimmy Stewart attended Princeton, and blew minds so much with his excellence in architecture that he was granted a FULL FUCKING RIDE to grad school (see: anywhere on the internet if you search: Jimmy Stewart Princeton). Luckily for us as Umphreaks, he ended up forgoing that dream to become one of the most celebrated actors in American history, won countless (that’s Drew for I’m-Not-Fucking-Counting) awards, and had a room at the Pittsburgh Renaissance Hotel named after him.
As many of us know, the band played the aforementioned (that’s fun to type) room for Jeremy Welsh’s wedding (kindly google: Umphrey’s McGee Resident Badass), and chose to jam after the reception was over, and gave birth to the idea of The Jimmy Stewart.
So, we obviously had to think, “What would happen if Jimmy Stewart had become an architect?” What would the band call their improvisational genius?
3. City Jams
This is relatively quick to explain… Without Jimmy Stewart, we’d be left looking at setlists that read:
All in Time
Girlfriend Is Better->
And seriously, who the fuck does that?
That was, merely, a kindly love tap folks. Relax.
2. Corporate Sponsored Jams
Bear with me for a moment here…
Imagine what this would look like. You’re going to your first show, hear an insane JaJunk (Think on par with 12.30.10), and get a setlist taboot! You glance at it, and see:
I’d download that shit in a heartbeat because I personally love Dr. Pepper.
This goes into opening up a whole new realm of possibilities for jam identification, especially if companies began to sponsor based on lyrical content or the overall mood of the song.
Or perhaps, there could be a message sent?
Space Funk Booty
You can only imagine…. Well, Booth Love indeed…
1. Another Celebrity?
I know this sounds absolutely blasphemous, but hear me out. This band has always been pushing the boundaries of creativity with just about anything they do… even in their naming process, they found a clever way to honor a great actor, but like we’ve thought, had Jimmy Stewart not been around, they’d need someone new to fill the void… Here’s some new options…
I’ll stick with the classic actor motif here. Bob Newhart was an absolutely genius comedic mind in his day, and if you don’t agree, kindly trip down steps with your hands in your pocket. What better way to pay tribute to his comical stylings than naming your approach to jamming after him?
Obviously, Bob Newhart is still in possession of the IT factor.
Um, the guy was fucking Tony Soprano. There’s enough evidence right there to swap Jimmy Stewart for James Gandolfino right there. Additionally, this:
would look absolutely fucking hilarious on a set list. It could give rise to the fans calling them Gandolf’s (equally badass).
However, it may give rise to overly bloated compositions, or heavy breathing in between lines of lyrical Gandolf’s.
For the record, the above picture was taken from an abandoned Safety in Numbers photo shoot.
This is obviously the cream of the crop. The bee’s knees. The drunk blonde twins at the end of the night.
Kevin Bacon is a god. Hell, he has an entire game named after him. He’s been in 63 films (this time I counted), has a band with his brother (not to be confused with the premium cable special Band of Brothers), and clearly has a mystic force on speed dial because this fucking guy never ages. He may be the only human being alive that is capable of carrying the burden of “the Jimmy Stewart name change” with flair.
Our entire world would be turned upside down had they stepped into The Kevin Bacon Room in Pittsburgh.
“That Kevin Bacon in Bridgeless tonight was absolute fire!”
“Did you hear the repeated Baco last night in Plunger? Heady as balls!”
Hell, UM Bowl III would have had an entirely different quarter title! Fried Bacon! Tell me you wouldn’t be on board with that…
But in all seriousness, as fans, we’re pleased Jimmy Stewart chose the acting path, mostly because telling your buddy midshow how great the Gandolfini is would get some really fucked up looks from the people around you.
If you haven’t read this yet, please inform yourself of the genesis of Jimmy Stewart, and why Jwelsh, basically, IS Jimmy Stewart (there is a Christopher Nolan film coming out with this premise). Go to The Floor!